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Deadman

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...which two words clear a men's changing room the quickest?

Nice cock!

Sorry couldn't resist it.

Oh blimey....

I'll shut up now. :D
 
How abut something a little more music related Deadman! :D

Oldie but a goodie.

Bass player storms into the rehearsal room and starts kicking the ***** out of the drum kit.

Guitarist "what's wrong"

Bass player "the drummer de-tuned a string on my bass"

Guitarist "why don't you just re-tune it"

Bass player "I can't. He won't tell me which one!"
:lol:
 
What do you call someone who hangs around with a bunch of musicians?

A drummer......
 
stratman323 said:
What do you call someone who hangs around with a bunch of musicians?

A drummer......
OMG....that joke is SOOOOOO old that they were telling that in the caves hiding from T-Rex :lol:
 
Ok, music related..let's see...

What did the drummer get on his IQ test?

Drool.


What's got three legs and a cun*?

A drumstool.

:D
 
LOL!

How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?

10, 1 to actually change it and the other 9 to argue about how Clapton would have changed it..........


How may drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None, you can get a machine that does a much better job these days.
 
A attractive 45 year old widow goes to the doctor for a check up.
After giving her an internal the doctor comments
"well according to your examination it seems that you are still a vigin ?
but how can this be ? You have been married four times ."
"Well , " she replies "My first was a astronomer, he just looked at it all night , my second was a psychiatrist , all he did was talk to it all night ,
husband number three was a falatalist (stamp collector) GOD DO I MISS HIM. But im gettig married again next week & he works for the customs & excise ...im realy excited ...cause i know im going to get screwed...."
 
Three tortoises, Mick, Alan and Les, decide to go on a picnic. So Mick packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble is the picnic site is ten miles away so it takes them ten days to get there.

When they get there Mick unpacks the food and beer. "OK Les Give me the bottle opener."

"I didn't bring it," says Les. "I thought you packed it."

Mick gets worried, He turns to Alan, "Did you bring the bottle opener??"

Naturally Alan didn't bring it. So they're stuck ten miles from Home without a bottle opener. Mick and Alan beg Les to go back for It, but he refuses as he says they will eat all the sandwiches.

After two hours, and after they have sworn on their tortoise Lives that they will not eat the sandwiches, he finally agrees. So Les sets off down the road at a steady pace.

Twenty days pass and he still isn't back and Mick and Alan are starving, but a promise is a promise.

Another five days and he still isn't back, but a promise is a promise. Finally they can't take it any longer so they take out a Sandwich each, and just as they are about to eat it, Les pops up from behind a rock and shouts........









"I KNEW IT!......NOW I'M DEFINITELY NOT F*CKING GOING!"
 
A man walks into a pub a plonks an octopus on the bar.
"I bet anyone here $100 that this octopus can play any musical instrument better than anyone you have ever heard."
A guy comes up and hands the octopus an electric guitar, octopus picks it up and starts wailing like Hendrix. The man collects his $100 from a few punters around the room.
Another guy comes up and hands the octopus a trumpet. It goes to the octopus' lips and you would swear Miles was in the room. The man collects more money.
Finally a Scotsman comes up and places his bagpipes next to the octopus.
The octopus just sits there and stares at them. The man leans over and whispers to the octopus, "Are you going to play it?" The octopus replies, "Play it? When I work out how to get it's pyjamas off I'm going to f#ck it!"
 
For German readers:
Sitzen zwei im Konzertsaal bei Beethovens 5th.
Sagt der eine zum andern: Sie, finden sie nicht, da? hier eine schlechte Akustik ist?
Der Andere hebt den Kopf hoch und schn?ffelt pr?fend: Ja, sie haben recht, jetzt riech' ich's auch ...
 

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